The things I love most about NY arenât the parties, the bars and restaurants, the museums and culture, the social sceneâhell, itâs not even about the career related opportunities it may bring. Itâs about the random people you meet in the most random ways in the most random places. New Yorkers have a unmatched sense of community. They bring a sense of âweâre in this togetherâ and âI got your back although youâre a complete strangerâ to this city like none other. Your New York friends, strangers, acquaintances will check in on you more than your actual friends sprawled out everywhere else. Itâs heartwarming and really has you questioning a lot, but the community you create in this place is unmatched.
So in last nightâs adventures of meeting random people, I met this older woman named Olga. After twerking our hearts out in a dance class, she came up to me and said in the thickest Russian accent âYou look like you actually move and have fun when you dance unlike these overthinker girls!â While that was the nicest compliment, this applies to life (and dating) in countless ways. My friend and I grabbed dinner with her and we got many valuable, wise tips to living life, but this one really stuck.
In early dating, we desperately need to have more fun (and Iâm not talking about that kinda fun!!). We need to relax a lot more. It might be the reasoning to why we see âseeking someone that doesnât take themselves too seriouslyâ plastered across dating profiles everywhere. Thereâs so much pressure for everything to be perfect from the getgo that we forget about having fun while weâre actually on dates. And because of that, people expect the world on a first dateâŚwith a stranger! Weâre thinking about who this person is, what they do, how thoughtful they are, what they look like, how tall they are, how much money they make, where they see themselves in 5 years, how they treat the waiter, whether they like pizza vs tacos, whether theyâre ready for a relationship, etc etc. Yes, these things are all important to get to at some point. But those who treat dates like interviews are quick to fire vs giving anyone a chance to be themselves. So letâs take a few steps back here and actually ::have fun::.
So⌠are you having fun?
If you answered no, press pause. Dating should feel natural and ultimately like a good time. If you find yourself holding back, anxious, self-conscious, bored, sad, or just feeling flat out weirdâSTOP what youâre doing. Break it off or take a break. Nothing should feel that way when youâre trying to find your person. Dating is supposed to be fun. If itâs a means to an end, youâre doing it wrong.
So stop overthinking and as Olga also said, âdonât get married too young!â Find yourself before finding someone elseâŚand that sounds like a Substack for another time!
Song of the week:
xoxo,
c
I love the sense of community in New York! Thereâs something special about it.