The simplest rule for a first date: donât stress.
Itâs just a first date. A first date is meant to be a first meetingâto get to know someone casually and to leave with the answer to âdo I want to see them again?â While Iâm sure youâre hoping youâll fall head over heels meeting the love of your life, I have news for youâŚyouâre not. Yeah, you might have a great connection that could lead to something moreâbut that happens with more interactions and moments that give you a good reason to think youâre actually meant to be together (reader: go on more dates to figure that ish out!).
First things first dates are weirdâtheyâre actually unnatural af. You go to a bar or restaurant with a stranger! Youâre getting judged by so many other things besides that connection (which is the most important thing!). You get judged on manners, where you pick, what you do, was it thoughtful enough, the proximity between your dateâs apartment, manners, splitting the check, how you get home, whether they check inâŚall of this can provide some datapoints you need about about a person but weâre forgetting about why youâre there in the first place: to get to know someone. If they fumble on a couple of these, just give them grace for goodness sakes!
So, letâs conquer that first date. Our goal here is to feel comfy enough to connect. Go in like youâre meeting a friend to catch up. Have conversations that both intrigue you and maybe even bore you a little! Sure, try to put your best foot forward, but more importantly: be yourself. Thatâs what theyâll get when youâre dating months and even years down the line, so donât pretend at the start. Not everyone is going to be the most exciting person at first, and you canât blame them. Theyâre trying to catch your vibe and get to know you too! Let them open up because who knowsâthey could be nervous (I meanâŚcome on, you are a stranger)! Find comfort in the awkward and ask the questions that are important to you, but most of allârelax. Youâre both two people just trying to find a connection.
OK, so donât count on a fairytale. Overall, first dates are a method to collect the most basic information you could gather. Sure, you may venture from âpizza vs tacosâ to trauma bondingâŚbut Iâd wait tilâ you have more trust before diving into that! You probably have a lot of boxes you want to check, and a first date isnât going to go through all of that ::deep:: stuff. Instead, what you can do is gather all the details that make you excited to see someone again. Did you feel comfortable being around this person? Did you have a good time? Did you think they were cute? These are the most important things you should leave with answers to. A first date is not an end all be all nor a ticket to marriage, so donât act like it. Donât put a ton of pressure on it and be open to the possibilities and learnings you can take away. But most of all, if you find yourself at least a little bit intrigued, plan a second date! ;)
xoxo,
c
My walk into a date song: