Life isn’t perfect and neither are first dates. Once a first date is planned, the expectations of perfection go through the roof from the moment you set a when and where. I’m here to tell you perfection isn’t going to happen. Apologies in advance
Let’s think about meeting new people for a hot second. When you meet a new person or even a new friend, do you judge them as hard as you do with first dates? Probably not! You give them more grace because y’all are trying to make a connection to become friends. Meanwhile we judge so many things that seem so unnatural (did they hold the door open? did they pick a place that’s not too divey but like kinda cute too? were they nice to the waiter?…the list goes on) on first dates because we’re expecting 10’s across the board. One thing doesn’t check your list of boxes, and ::boom:: you’re over it.
Treat your first dates like a first intro too. Date to get to know someone, not for the outcome. Go into it with a sense of positivity (essential!) that you don’t know what they’ll bring to the table. Yeah, they may say they’re looking for love–but you don’t know what you want with a person until you meet them. It could be anything from a future partner to friendship or even a guy that will act a past boss with a New Zealand accent on recruiting calls (true story!). I will also note that you’re kinda crazy if you want to marry a person after a first date. Future tripping* isn’t healthy on a date; nor is it healthy after a first date.
future tripping: (v) to be in a mental state state where you are imagining a range of future possibilities; or to make a journey into a specific future timeline by imagining outcome and consequences of the present might play out over time
(thank you urban dictionary!)
So enjoy the moment, live a little, and get to know this person and just figure out whether you want to see them again or not. If you’re unsure but still enjoyed yourself, give them a second chance (reader: second date)–even if they don’t check all of your boxes–they could still be a great person and dee. Besides you don’t know someone until you peel a few layers back and dive deeper. You love your friends after spending so many moments with them, you can’t expect that with a stranger after a first hang. Give them a chance to show you who they are too!
Song of the week:
xoxo,
c
“even if they don’t check all of your boxes–they could still be a great person and dee.”
What’s dee actually supposed to say?
In any case thanks for these thoughts! Definitely something I was struggling on first dates they feel way more formal than friendships. With friendships you don’t have to as concretely decide if you’ll meet up again.
Friendships can also take so many different forms and it’s way more common to have many friends vs many romantic partners specially at once.
I think all these dynamics make dating harder. It’s higher stakes, the decision making is more formal, and it’s with a stranger who you’ve likely never seen in person and possibly never .
Furthermore, I feel like a lot of people are not as open to other possibilities with dates. It either works romantically or it doesn’t work at all.
Note this is all largely in the context of online dating. Of course it’d be naive not to mention the benefits. Online dating provides the opportunity to meet people you otherwise wouldn’t meet. Although it’s a noisy process.