POV: You think someone is cute. Yâall have a wonderful conversation going, full of lots of banter and maybe even a flirt or two. You get that lilâ dopamine hit when that message comes through. Your friend even says âwhoâs got you smiling like that?â The vibes are ::immaculate::. You think that this is a relationship that you want to explore a bit further whether it be for a night or a lifetime, but youâre left with the question: âdo I make a move?â
So if youâre my friend, Iâm always going to tell you a resounding YES. Why? If youâre at a point where you think that thereâs a possibility of the two of you having a great time on a date, why wouldnât you? Exploring a possibility that youâre actually vibing with is pretty rare and life is too short to hold back from making a great connection happen.
I always hear a variety of ways to get out of this situation:
1) ââŚbut I want them to make the move.â
So you might wait a while. Maybe theyâre not taking the hint? If this is the case, it may just never happen unless YOU nudge it. So go for it.
But if youâre a woman and thinking âI just want a man to chase me!ââŚHere I am to tell you itâs also 2023, you do what you wantâbut you can also initiate. You donât need to submit to the patriarchal ways and sit around and wait for a man. And to my guys out there, itâs okay to let a woman take the lead for once! Plus, overall this type of thing sounds like an excuse especially if thereâs a good vibe going. Asking for a coffee is harmless and in no way âemasculatingâ anyone. If youâre really into that type of dynamic, you can set the tone after you make that initial date happen. This is just to get the ball rolling.
2) ââŚbut Iâm afraid of getting rejected!â
So what. Youâre being brave and it could end up being the best decision of your life if it goes your way! How cool is that? And if things donât go that direction, vulnerability is finally getting that rebrand it needed. Being one with your feelings and taking a chance is dope as hell. People donât do it enough.
And I get it, rejection is hard, it hurts your heart, and it just doesnât feel good. Youâre human! But rejection could be kinda cool. It helps you not waste any time (or any feelings!) on someone that could be taking up headspace (for free!), it shows what doesnât work for you, and itâs a step in the right direction to get what you deserve.
So enough with the excuses. You have nothing to lose but the possibility of a connection. If youâre feeling it, shoot your shot. One party needs to be braver than the other at some point to make anything happen. And if things go the way you want, you have the chance to see where things go. And thatâs the most exciting part of datingâ exploring something further. Play on playa.
xoxo,
c
Hereâs my song of the week (and what will happen when you shoot your shot ;)