SO I crush easily when I go on a date with a great person. You go on so many shitty dates, a good crush crush doesn’t come along that frequently. This is bound to happen–right?! This (imaginary) crush is diamond in the rough–charming, witty, handsome, saying all the right things…who could blame me?!
But there’s a problem with crushing too early! Dating is hard, and nobody is reliable. With the choice paradox, availability for the next person only a swipe away, terrible communication, ghosting–there are so man things that really bring us daters down. One really great date could lead to nothing–not even a second date! And this means that it’s easy to get your hopes up and quickly develop a crush when there’s a rare phenomenal date. And if you’ve crushed before, you’re down bad…and sometimes that actually feels ::bad:: because you get anxious that this person is never going to reply to that last text! You’re putting your all eggs in this basket waiting for that dopamine hit thinking “we did it Joe!…finally found this guy!” But in reality, 9/10 times you haven’t found a trusty person to crush on because the truth is: people are unreliable until they show up. And for me, I want them to show up 3 times before I develop a new crush.
Here’s how this “new three date rule” is going to work: There must be three IRL dates until I’m allowing myself to have feelings for this new guy (reader: this is a crush). This tells me a few things that I want in a person–they want to go out (hello, quality time!) they’re consistent (panty dropper!), and they’re interested (interest is a two way street!).
DTF is now down to feel-ings now…and that’s not happening until I’ve invested some time.
xoxo,
c
Song of the week: (relatable, amrite?)
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